you're a rubbish mummy

so i got the first of what i can only imagine will be years of pointed verbal attacks (?) accusations (?) the other day.

the gist of it is that i'm a rubbish mummy.  lilah doesn't want to live with us, she wants to live with her friend because her mummy is such a much better mummy.  i only ever do mean things.  i never do fun things.  and on, and on, and on...

i tried not to rise to it -- because you're not supposed to.  you're the grown up, you know.  you have the maturity not to retaliate to a 4 year old.

so i didn't.  i kept saying that's fine.  i will always love you, even if you don't like me.

because it was one of those days where the whole afternoon was a long, extended play date, and there was sun and sweet treats involved, the twiredness was in full swing, and the slough of abuse coming out of lilah's mouth was astonishingly articulate.  i did have to keep reminding myself that she was only 4 years old...

but i did think i might have had another 8 years or so before this was going to start happening.  oh well, the way things are going, i should have expected it!

anyway, after she fell asleep, i spent the night on the couch all curled up.  my stomach was knotted.  i felt weak.  and i didn't know how to shake it off.

mums out there:  this point in your relationship with your child sucks.  if anyone who has been through this knows a better way of dealing with this ... because i know it's going to happen again ... i'm all ears.